What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
this must be what syphilis tastes like
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
