I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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