I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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