He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
