Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
