had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize