There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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