Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
