I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
