I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
