oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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