im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Randomize
