if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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