I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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