I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
