a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
