Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
