I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
