My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
