i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
