i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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