Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
