I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
