The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
