No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize