I have demons in me.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
