Can i not drive my cunt home
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
