Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
