There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize