I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
