the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
