Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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