I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
