im drinking this country out of the recession.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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