I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
