I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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