Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
