I heard we made out
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
that is very illegal...i love you.
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