ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
