My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
