All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
