I want to walk on stilts...naked
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
