I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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