I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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