So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
