i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
