There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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