I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If I die, sorry about rent.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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