we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize