I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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