Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
