Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
