stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
