Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize