hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
