Why are handjobs necessary in class?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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