Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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