Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
