can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize