I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize