I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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