im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Is it because I queefed?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
