Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just forgot I was standing up.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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