This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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