Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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