your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
