oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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