There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He? As in you personified your dick?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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