You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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