is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize