Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
