You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
