You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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