The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
