fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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