the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
