I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
