meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
