She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
