Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
How external is "for external use only"?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
