sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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