the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
In America we eat man semen.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
