Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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