I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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