I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
false alarm, still single
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
