I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
