just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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