R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
