he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you traded sex for a burrito?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
