I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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