My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
