i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
