I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
