i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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