sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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