Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I need to calm my uterus...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
