dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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