His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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