I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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