Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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