Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So apparently I’m into choking now
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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