Small penises have feelings too.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
