we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize