I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
