my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
