every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
