So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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