Can i not drive my cunt home
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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