how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize