ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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