he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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