at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
